


sit in silence

by SandrC



Category: Dungeons and Daddies (Podcast)
Genre: Abusive Parents, Angst, Denial, Guilt, Panic Attacks, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:46:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25587718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SandrC/pseuds/SandrC
Summary: They're fleeing from Ravenloft, kids in tow, and now they have time to think too much about the implications of what they've just learned.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 67





	sit in silence

**Author's Note:**

> Crossposted from Tumblr.
> 
> Yes the title is from Car Radio by Twenty One Pilots. It's a good song about intrusive thoughts and anxiety and it fits.
> 
> Darryl really do be a guilt ouroboros, huh, buddy?

Glenn was breathing in, holding, and exhaling. He couldn’t find it in himself to joke right now. He didn’t think _any_ of them could, but he’s certain they could tell he’s on edge.

It fucking _sucked_ and he’s trying to force it all down, like tamping on vom when he’s on a roller coaster and kinda overindulged on the munchies. It’s not working and _he hates it_.

You know, the worst part _isn’t_ that the purple dicks are ~~(might be but probably aren’t because that has some super fucked-up implications with regards to Morgan and a couple fucking dozen other things)~~ their dads. It’s that, out of all of them, as far as _he_ could tell, he shouldn’t be the worst off right now.

Bill…Bill wasn’t a _bad_ dude. Not _really_. He just wasn’t ever around. And _sure_ , that fucking sucked ass for lil’ Glenn back when he had shit he needed a dad for, _but also_ …it’s not like he _hit_ him, like it seemed _Willy_ did Ron. And he wasn’t _verbally_ shitty like Barry to Henry. He just… _wasn’t_.

So he was hyperventilating in the van, Nick inches away, cool as hell, and _he had no damn reason to be doing that_. Another _dope_ fucking dick move for Glenn Close. _Hurrah_. Mark it on the board.

Instead of vocalizing it, however, he opted to silently have a breakdown. Everyone else had it worse than him anyway. He didn’t _deserve_ to make his issues everyone else’s. He’d just be seen and not heard, silent, in the Odyssey, like he deserved.

* * *

Ron was doing a series of mental gymnastics as they drove off at top speed. _One_ : what was his dad doing here? _Two_ : why did he have magic? _Three_ : what did he want with Terry Jr again? Something to do with magic and dads, right? _Four_ : did that mean that he, himself, was not a good enough son for Willy to have been satisfied? _Five_ : what was Paeden to him with this new information he had? _Six_ : did Willy being alive in this world mean that the life insurance check he got and cashed when he died was fraudulent?

(He was _very pointedly_ not thinking about how his chest hurt from holding his breath tight when Willy got close to him. He was _very pointedly_ ignoring the hammering of his heart because _hey_ , this _always_ happened when be saw Willy; it was a Dad Thing and it’s _fine_. It’s _cool_. He has Terry Jr with him and he doesn’t _need_ to worry about Willy for now.)

(He tried to shut up the echoing remainder of Willy saying “ _ **this** is what I sound like when I’m fucking mad_” that’s in his head. It’s been on a constant loop for minutes. He’s having trouble remembering if it’s real or another one of his night terrors.)

_No_ , he’s far too busy thinking about Samantha and insurance and Terry Jr and if Paeden is his brother or his kid or just some dude they like having around. Nothing more, nothing less.

And his hands aren’t shaking because Willy didn’t _drown_ and he didn’t _not_ help him back on dry land and it’s _not_ his fault because he’s _here_ , alive, _kinda_ , and that’s good _that’s good **that’s good—**_

* * *

Henry is decidedly having a Not Great time. It’s not like having his two gorgeous boys back is _bad_ —the opposite, because now he _knows_ what they’re getting into, as opposed to worrying himself _literally_ sick wondering—but they aren’t _helping_ either.

Well, okay, _Lark_ isn’t helping like he _always_ doesn’t help. He’s loud and mischevious and full of wild energy and, normally, Henry would be all for the expression of his truest self but…everyone was on edge and a small boy with a knife in a van full of people who have shoestring tense nerves is a bad idea.

Sparrow is…he’s _trying_ to help and _that’s the problem_ , to some degree. It’s _too_ close. _Too similar._

Henry doesn’t talk about his dad. Didn’t talk _to_ his dad. In fact, insofar as the twins were concerned, their Papá Paulo was their _only_ grandfather. _He_ _didn’t_ …didn’t _mean_ to…expose _them_ to…

Deep breath in. _Hold_. Deep breath out. _Hold_.

Repeat.

_Calm._

**_Clarity._ **

It’s just that…he had an okay childhood! _He did_! But Barry _didn’t_ …and there just was _this whole_ …and _he_ …!

He _couldn’t_ be like him and so…maybe _that_ was his biggest issue.

In. _Hold_. Out. _Hold_.

Calm. _Calm. **Calm.**_

But he couldn’t keep pushing it down. The door was gonna pop open eventually. It had been cracking already but he couldn’t _do_ that in front of his boys.

He _couldn’t_.

In. _Hold_. Out. _Hold_.

Repeat.

_Clarity_.

Henry was Not Okay.

* * *

Darryl felt _guilty_. Was it _okay_ for him to feel guilty? He felt _more_ guilty for feeling guilty. A guilt oroborous.

It’s just…everyone _else’s_ dads seemed to be _real_ pieces of shit and also fucking the jackasses in purple who kidnapped them and then later their kids and _his_? His was…noticibly missing. It put things into perspective, in a way.

He felt guilty coz it seemed like _his_ dad was the only one that didn’t suck.

Willy Stampler was loud and angry and it put a chunk of Ron’s mannerisms and hangups into a clearer light. Bill Close was strangely laid back and chill in a way that felt like cold rain and cigarette smoke instead of warm blankets and music, like Glenn. Barry Oak was stupidly passive aggressive, full of vitriol and spite disguised as calm suggestions, and it set Henry off in a way Darryl hadn’t seen before.

So he drove the Odyssey towards Neverwinter with _everything_ he had, choosing to think about how Grant and Lark and Sparrow and Terry Jr and Nick and Paeden were there. About how _they didn’t die._ About how they were gonna _go home_. About how _close_ their goal was.

And he _didn’t_ think about his dad. _Not_. _One_. _Bit_.


End file.
